So, out of curiosity, I did a few google searches on things like "nice guys", "finding nice guys", and "men are scum". What I found was that if any woman was actually googling those things looking for real answers, they probably weren't going to find anything. Mostly it was a bunch of women who were asking those questions, not anyone really giving answers. But I had to wonder: If a nice guy actually got on the internet and tried to answer those questions, would women actually listen?
Actually, I don't blame you that much for not listening. Most of the supposed "nice guys" on the internet are either A) not really nice guys, B) real losers, or C) all of the above. For some reason everyone thinks the definition of a nice guy is a guy that can't get girls. A porn-surfing, pervert-minded geek that is awkward around girls isn't a nice guy, he's just a jerk that doesn't have game. But that's the type of guy that gets on the internet and whines about how nice guys finish last, and how shallow girls are for not being interested in him just because he's unattractive. But he's just as shallow for only wanting the type of girls that are not interested in unattractive guys like him. But those are the guys that post the most stuff about "how to find a nice guy" on the internet.
(A quick warning to any girls still reading this: if you just go after unattractive guys thinking that they are nice guys, you are going to end up with a lot of stalkers)
Then you have the Jerks/Players posing as nice guys giving totally bogus advice just to keep girls confused and steer them into their traps.
So who do you trust? How do you find a nice guy to give you real advice about finding nice guys? It's kind of a catch 22. But you're in luck. You found one.
Me.
Here's how I'm different, and why you can trust me: I'm not in the game any more. If girls wise up or not, it doesn't affect me because I have already found my one and only true love. I'm not going to whine about how nice guys always finish last, because it's not true. I got top prize - true, everlasting love. I get to spend the rest of my life with her. Not only that, I have three (well, three in July, anyway) beautiful daughters that are the world to me.
So, if you want to know about "happily ever after", I'm living it right now. And it's awesome. And just like when you see a good movie or eat at a great restaurant and you want to tell everyone about it - I want to tell everyone about how great it is to be where I am right now.
I hope that doesn't sound arrogant. I don't want it to. I can't take much of the credit for where I am now. I got here because a lot of people that had written their own "happily ever afters" gave me a lot of great advice on writing mine. That's advice I would love to share with anyone searching. So if that is you, I hope you'll find this useful. And feel free to email me or leave comments if there are specific questions you have or things you would like to know about.
Well said. Nice guys don't finish last, they just run the race steady and take the less beaten path, so it doesn't look right to most people, but it can pay off very big, as long as you stay on the right path. 4 girls pregnant from your class? Sorry to hear that. I see a lot of high school kids from across the highway from my work, and I think to myself everyday, why do they dress that way? Do they think it's cool? They look like they forgot half their clothes. Maybe they are too poor to afford them. Maybe they just forgot them. Do their parents know? Do their parents care? My daughter wears dresses with shorts on underneath ever time she goes out. My son and daughter always have their shoulders covered. Even in the pool they both wear shorts that touch their knees and t-shirts (water shirts). I don't wear a shirt, but I do wear shorts that touch my knees. For some weird reason, I am not allowed to wear a shirt while swimming (they won't let me). But the outfits some kids wear outside in public, is far worse than I would EVER let my kids wear even when swimming. We need to wake up and take control of our kids and get them on the path that leads to a LONG and happy marriage.
ReplyDeleteThink it's great, you're taking an interest in your students, but this blog about "you" being a nice guy sounds like you've had issues w/this in the past. You being overlooked by women because you were the nice guy. If you don't mind a little constructive criticism, you come off a little preachy, my way is best type of thinking. I mean by all means write a bk. and share, but this blog about my trying to save the girls who are w/jerks is a bit different.
ReplyDeleteFirst a small semi-response to the 'Anonymous' comment above mine: if someone wrote without taking a stance, a philosophy, a 'my way is best', we'd have nothing but expository flat uninteresting drivel.
ReplyDeleteMy comment on this post, is that I've very much noticed a pattern (and I'm not the first) that women who have had bad father relationships tend to gravitate to a**holes.
Why am I recapitulating this common assumption? Because I generally consider myself an 'educated,' socially liberal and 'enlightened' open-minded person -- one of those people who aren't supposed to fall victim to the boogeyman of Stereotype -- but most generalizations are rooted in *general* fact, and I have definitely noticed this correlation time-and-time-again.
If readers are thinking of replying and adamantly listing examples of how this is *not* the case -- I said *generally* -- to quote the hackneyed expression... there are exceptions to every rule.
P.S. Most men aren't nice, and many women fall short of kind, too. I've observed often that women who write posts like "Where are all the nice guys?" are immature and scapegoating the 'nice guy' issue without recognizing the multiple other problems with their conception of relationships.
How about this for some research? The nice guys (us losers?) are not even playing the game, so do not complain about them (us?). The prom, parties and dates NEVER existed for us because we were not exciting enough, passionate
ReplyDeleteenough or having enough "game" ( we were unable
or unwilling to be that special person).
The common bond seems to be charity work where
long hours ( we have plenty of time) at a
volunteer firehouse or ambulance service or
hospital are a pleasure because people like us
for US and we appreciate it. Does that fit the
profile?