Anonymous said...
"Let me get this straight, you are a male high school teacher opining on the dating life of one of your female students? commenting on her personality and her appearance? asking her to defend her choices?
There are all sorts of creeps, some are over-sexed teen boys looking to score and some are self-righteous yet vaguely pervy teachers who get involved the love lives of other father's daughters to a degree that is probably inappropriate."
There are a couple of problems with the above way of thinking. First of all, it is assumed that the student has a father, when in fact she does not. At least not one that has been in her life at any point in the last ten years. In fact, she doesn't have any sort of positive male role models other than teachers, so is it any wonder that she would go to a teacher for help? Not surprisingly, I very rarely see students with strong families and supportive parents outside of normal classroom hours. The students that I most often assist, both academically and otherwise, are those who who come from single-parent or no-parent homes; those who are being raised by relatives or foster parents because their parents are in prison, in rehab, or are just plain absent. I have students that stay after school sometimes because when they get home, their lives are miserable, and they just want an extra 15 minutes of peace sitting in a classroom where they are safe.
Anonymous, despite his or her superior knowledge and wisdom, obviously knows nothing of such things. Perhaps they are too good to keep company with people from such backgrounds. Or perhaps they are just stupidly ignorant of the world around them, and spend their time in frivolous attacks, incapable of doing anything positive while burdened by such naivete.
Even more telling is the assumption that a male and female can not have a relationship that does not in any way involve sex or desire. If I compliment my sister on how nice she looks, am I incestuous? If I tell my neighbors that they have beautiful children, am I a pedophile? Does thinking that another guy is handsome make me gay? Or could it be that I can appreciate beauty and intelligence in another person because I appreciate that person, not because I lust after them. Has Anonymous never truly loved a friend of the opposite sex without wanting to have sex? The depravity they assume in others is really more of an admission of their own.
Finally, why is it inappropriate to care about the welfare of my students? I became a teacher to help those who needed help. Why shouldn't I care? In a society and community rife with teenage pregnancy, STD's, and sexual abuse, is it any more inappropriate for me to care about these problems than for me to care about drug abuse, drunk driving, gang affiliation, fighting, or larceny? I lose students to jail almost as frequently as I lose students to pregnancy. And it is depressing. But as I sit in parent-teacher conferences where the mother of my 15 year old student is younger than me (I am 31), I see that the only way to fix my community is to fix the families. Kids giving birth to kids does not constitute a family. Girls having babies in high school perpetuates poverty, ignorance, and abuse.
And so I care. I care deeply. If Anonymous finds it inappropriate, so be it. One truth that I have found in life is that when arrogantly ignorant people approve of your decisions, it is probably time to rethink them. Disapproval of such people, on the other hand, is an affirmation that you are on the right course.
Dear Saint Pervious
ReplyDeleteMy apologies if my rancid breath doth tarnish thy halo or spook thy snowy steed, but I had a few more comments.
Someone who, with no apparent credentials or qualifications, has taken it upon themselves to write a book about the sexual relationships of young women, set themselves up as the savior of soiled doves whose judgement is not up his standard and then use those experiences to promote his scarlet letter crusade. Add to that the fact that these young women are high school students under your position of authority.
So the fact that you "care" is not in question, you have shown that you care maybe more than is appropriate. What is at issue is why you care. Now only you can know your motives, but from an outside observer, the red flags are starting to fly.
I mean really, publish a book, create a website, start a blog(that details professional behavior that is questionable)? That is not an insignificant allocation of resources and taken together it is not unreasonable for one to question the motivation behind all this work.
The anonymous coward
I have one question for you "anonymous coward"
ReplyDeleteHave you even read the book?
I agree with this Anonymous guy ...He or she is a coward.
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't understand is why you have to attack this person do you even know the Author?
His book doesn't talk to pretty women only it doesnt talk to teens only this book is even more important for a girl of any age that does not have a body to fall back on. A girl that is not attractive is being taught that she is not good enough for love and that the only way to get a guy to look twice at her is to be willing to do what ever it is that he might ask of her.
I have seen two movies come out recently that announce to women that men are pigs and that women had better get use to it and that men dont or can't love. That they are after one thing and one thing only and if women dont give it to them then they had better get use to being alone in life. But someone comes out with a book about how women should love themselves, respect themselves, and save themselves then the guys a perv.? I think not.
Nothing about his article was wrong. it is not wrong for someone man or women to fill a sense of care and authority towards the children that they see more often then those childrens parents do.
I would think it is pretty self evident that “Anonymous” has not read the book. Although they are correct that the author does not have any credentials in human psychology, the book does clearly state the author's qualifications (which are better qualifications than many psychologists with degrees have). Although he does frequently refer to the impaired judgment that women will show in a relationship he also makes it very clear that they are not “soiled”, tarnished, trash, damaged goods or any of the other terms for the way that the players try to make them feel.
ReplyDeleteIf you question the author's motives you should read the book. He clearly states his motives there. The author would undoubtedly like to make back the money spent on publishing the book, but I don't doubt that his real passion is helping these kids get out of the rut they are in to live a better life than if they were left for Hollywood to teach them how a relationship should work.
“Anonymous” is correct that the author has dedicated a significant amount of resources (in both money and time) to this crusade (or “revolution” as the author calls it). If that is the standard for unethical activities then I suppose everyone who participates in charities around the world are crooked and unethical (those habitat for humanity volunteers must have some angle for wanting to help). Maybe all of the abused womens shelters staffed by volunteer workers are just full of perverted sex fiends looking to prey on vulnerable women. Or maybe some (or a lot of) people like to help when the see the opportunity even if they get nothing in return.
His students come to him and respect him BECAUSE he cares. Obviously something that is missing in their life.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who grew up without a solid father figure in a family that didn't seem to care one way or another in regards to subjects like self esteem, dating and sex, I would have appreciated having someone in my life (teacher or not) there to help when I needed it.
ReplyDeleteI have read the book and I think it's just what the growing generation needs. May I suggest a sequel? Teaching parents and other adults how to appropriately get involved, because I think the author has this down pretty well, despite that apparently at least one other disagrees with.
Perhaps if more parents got involved, the duty wouldn't fall on the shoulders of others who would later be subjected to accusations of motives.
I see that you failed to post my last comment. Kindof validates what I wrote, you are a little too interested in the socio-sexual development of adolescent girls, hmmmm?
ReplyDelete